Gener Advert

Wanted; Middle aged man with dead end job looking for a new hobby to keep occupied. Must show skills with various tools, eg. a knife, and keen to get your hands dirty. Cannot be claustrophobic as time spent in small spaces may be necessary. Also required one unsuspecting victim preferably a naive woman who likes walks in the dark at night after her car gets a flat tyre, preferably blonde with strong vocal cords to be able to scream if required even though none will hear. Must wear inappropriate high heel shoes. And like to ask murders questions such as "hello?" or "anybody there?".